[secret‡letters)

The Sound of Silence | Glass Drama

Perhaps I overreacted. After all, what could possibly have been preventing me from sleeping with Hyde? It was almost a sure-fire thing that Megumi wouldn’t be coming home that early. I certainly had no one of great romantic value who I’d be cheating on. And, if anything else, Hyde was definitely one of the top ten men in Japan I’d had a wet dream about every now and then. What was stopping me?

    “I was thinking,” Masa stated an afternoon one week after my return, “you should go do something.”
    We were sitting in individual lounge chairs by the pool. (Note: It was a common misconception that I did not enjoy direct light. In actuality, only artificial light seems to bother me. I did take pleasure from sitting out in the sun every once in awhile.) Masa had his hair tied back in a little rattail I normally would have considered cute. Due to his last statement (as well as my anger for him spending so much of my money on installing a pool which I didn’t even plan on using), all his cuteness seeped away and left another interrogating, criticizing individual telling me what to do.
    “Oh, really,” I replied, keeping my attention on applying sunscreen to my shoulders.
    Masa turned over onto his stomach with an exaggerated sigh, which was so characteristic of him. Ever since we broke up three years earlier, he had become the annoying best friend who wanted me to think he was in pain while he looked out for my best interests. It was all a pity thing. He never looked out for my best interests, but instead the interests of either himself or what was the most amusing. I guess we had a love/hate relationship at that point.
    “And what will you do, Masa?” I questioned in the same tone he used on me. He had been living with some anonymous lover for six months until they called it quits (I had this sinking feeling it was Toshi, though). Since he seemed down on his luck, I allowed him to stay at my place while I was away in New York. However, upon my return he refused to leave on the account that I would need help settling back in, or so he said. In other words, Masa had no where else to go. Frankly, it didn’t really matter if he left or not. Masa’s misdirection on life made mine seem less grim.
    “Hm,” Masa snorted, then sighed again. “Whatever you do.”
    I lowered my dark shades to peer at him. “You mean you’ll return to the Job?”
    He laughed. There was something about his laugh that reminded me of an adolescent girl: bitchy and immature. “Of course not!” he exclaimed. “You know I can’t work with you after all that… mess.” On the word “mess” his expression changed from mocking to feigned torment, as if I had done him some terrible wrong.
    The door to the patio opened. Ren stood there with a giant grin on his face. Or should I say a sinister smirk of a deranged lunatic. He half walked, half bounced over to my chair and tugged at my arm for me to come inside. I wanted to refuse so desperately, but Masa seemed to be in whatever little scheme they were concocting and managed to push me out of the chair.

    “I am not going outside like this!” I protested, glaring at Masa and Ren. Those smirks never left their faces as they grabbed my arms and dragged me towards the patio door.
“You see, Gackt,” Ren started to explain as pushed me outside, “you should start a hobby. No more arts and music junk. Do something sports oriented.”
“But scuba diving?” I questioned before Masa could shove the mouthpiece my way. Somehow they managed to rent a scuba diving suit, mask, and oxygen tank on a whim. And they managed to get me into it. How they came to the conclusion that I would want to go scuba diving was beyond my comprehension, considering my natural dislike for being completely submerged in water.
“Jump in the pool!” Masa ordered, clapping his hands gaily.
I attempted to reply in the negative, but due to the mouthpiece my words were inaudible. Ren and Masa interpreted my muffled pleas for mercy as a “yes,” so they took it as their initiative to push me in.
My first instinct was to panic (well, next to concern for my hair), but after the primary shock of being plunged directly into the deep end, I began to think a dangerous question. What’s the point? What’s the point in fighting it? Beyond the physical fact that it would be difficult to get out, there was nothing really to worry about. Getting in sure was easy, and so was staying. I began to feel serene. Not because of the calming effects of water, but because being in water made me realize something.
I had to call Hyde.

The phone on the other end rang. I promised myself that I would only go through with this on one condition: if Hyde answered the phone. If I got an answering machine message or if Megumi picked up, I would immediately slam the receiver down and pretend the thought to call Hyde never even crossed my mind.
The phone rang again. I started to wonder why I was so nervous. It wasn’t like this was the first time I called someone up with the singular intention of sleeping with him. That was how I got involved with Masa in the first place.
The phone rang for a third time. Now I was questioning how to approach the situation. What if Hyde had changed his mind? What if he didn’t even remember making the offer in the first place due to his intoxicated condition?
The phone rang for a final time. Or was I more afraid of Hyde saying yes?
“Hello?” Hyde’s distinct voice answered the phone.
“May I speak to Hyde please?” I tried to make it seem like I didn’t recognize his voice.
“Hello, Gackt,” Hyde purred on the other end. I could hear him sigh, which sent chills up and down my spine.
I swallowed hard before I could continue. “How did you know it was me?”
He snickered. “I just knew you’d call eventually,” he answered, his voice playful and slightly higher than normal.
“About that,” I started, but had to pause to regain my composure. Hyde was intentionally trying to turn me on. I wasn’t sure whether to give in or be thoroughly annoyed. He did make me extremely uncomfortable just a week earlier and I was still a bit sore about that. However, his voice made phone sex operators seem like telemarketers.
“Meet me in the bar at the Hotel Le Cherie at eight tonight,” Hyde injected before I could say any more.
“Are you sure?” I asked. I attempted to turn the tables by making him feel like the guilty one for a change.
Without hesitation, Hyde uttered, “Yes,” then hung up the phone.

At first I didn’t understand why Hyde had chosen such a well-known establishment as Hotel Le Cherie for our rendezvous. But as I drove there that night, I realized it made perfect sense. If we were spotted at a smaller, lesser-known hotel, the people there would no doubt jump to conclusions. The Hotel Le Cherie was one of the busiest and ritziest hotels in Tokyo where business meetings occurred in the rooms every day (not those kinds of meetings), and therefore no one would find it suspicious that two extremely rich musicians might be meeting there strictly for business.
Still, I didn’t want to be spotted. I arrived wearing the darkest pair of shades and most ordinary clothes I owned, while at the same time trying to look my sexiest (I didn’t want to appear undesirable to Hyde). Upon entering the bar, I sought out the most excluded table to wait for him, but made sure I could view the whole bar so I would see when he came in. I sat with my back to the wall, my face completely stoic, and my mind going completely insane.
What if we get caught? What if someone we know is here? What if this is a trap? What if I can’t perform in bed because I’m so nervous? What if…?
“Hello, Gackt,” I heard Hyde say next to me. He had somehow entered and sat down beside me against the wall without drawing any attention to himself. He was inconspicuous. Perhaps he had done this before.
“Hyde,” I affirmed, for he too was wearing dark shades and fairly normal clothing.
“Did you get us a room?” he asked in a monotone voice. He seemed a hundred times calmer than I did.
I felt like slapping myself. I forgot the most important thing of our little outing: the actual place where we were going to do it. I shook my head no and quickly moved to the front desk. Well, not quickly enough to draw attention or to seem too anxious, but with enough speed to show my determination. Just thinking of how fast I was moving made me feel like such a dork.
“I’d like a room,” I requested at the front desk.
“Very good, sir,” the clerk said. “What kind of room would you like?”
“Kind?” I replied dumbly. For some reason, the word didn’t register in my brain.
If the clerk was annoyed, he showed no signs of it. “Single, double, suite…”
“Single!” I answered too quickly.
“How many will be staying here?”
“Just me! Only me!”
“And for how long?”
“Tonight! One night!”
“Luggage?”
“What?”
“Shall I call the bell hop to get your luggage, sir?”
“No! I mean, I’ll get it. It’s in the car.”
“Are you sure, sir?”
“Yes! It’s only a…a… tooth brush! Just me and my toothbrush!”
“Very, uh, good, sir.” He handed me the key card. “Enjoy your stay.”
As I made my way back to the bar, I realized how incredibly foolish I was acting. What ever happened to the calm, collected, and undeniably cool Gackt the masses seemed to love? Why was this situation with Hyde making me so unbearably on edge?
“Let’s go,” Hyde suggested before I could even sit down. He ran his fingers through his hair as if to prove his levelheaded attitude compared to my almost neurotic anxiety. Before I could be annoyed, he flashed me a smile as if to say, “You’ll do fine, rookie.” I was highly embarrassed.

“Here we are,” I stated as I opened the single room.
Hyde brushed ahead of me and tossed his sunglasses onto a nearby table. “Lock the door,” he ordered in a tone more fitting for an army sergeant.
I did as I was told.
“Come here,” Hyde instructed as he moved towards the bed.
At the moment, I wasn’t feeling anything even close to arousal, partially due to Hyde’s cold attitude. Well, I figured, I should try to break the ice. I moved quickly towards him and much closer than he anticipated for his eyes grew large when I brought my face near his. He didn’t move, so I took the initiative and placed my lips upon his. Unfortunately, both our mouths were closed with neither of us having any intention to open them.
Hyde finally backed up a bit, separating our awkward kiss. “Is this your first time?” Hyde asked sweetly, his tone contrasting greatly from the one he used earlier.
“Me?” I confirmed as if there was any other person Hyde would be talking to. “Of course not!”
“It seems like it,” he grumbled, not meeting my gaze. “If you don’t want to do this…”
“Excuse me,” I interrupted. Not only was I insulted, but also the rude abuse was starting to hit me wrong. I had never been with someone who wasn’t throwing himself at me like a bitch in heat. Hyde’s indifference might’ve actually been turning me on.
“I’ll take my clothes off,” he proclaimed. “You can watch.” He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me a few feet away from him. Slowly, he pulled his tightly fitted T-shirt over his head as if in an amateur strip tease. Next, he unbuckled his belt. While his hands worked on unzipping his fly, his eyes were fixed on mine. Though his eyes did not move away from me, he wasn’t glaring. For the first time that night, I finally felt a bit comfortable.
He sat on the edge of the bed. He stretched his right leg out horizontally in the air to remove his socks as I stood, fully clothed, a few feet away. Bringing his foot back down to the ground, he motioned for me to come closer. My nerves returned as I inched closer until Hyde grabbed my shirt and pulled me down to him. This time, we kissed with parted lips. His tongue pushed its way into my mouth and wiggled around to my throat until I had to gently move Hyde away for fear of gagging.
His fingers moved up to my collar where he started to unbutton. I snatched his hands and positioned them near my belt line, indicating that he should work on my pants while I did the shirt. After unzipping my fly, he shoved a hand into my pants. I was taken off guard, so I flinched a little. But I soon felt my penis becoming erect at his touch.
“You’re wearing a thong?” Hyde asked as he pulled my pants down, obviously more interested in my under-apparel than arousal.
I nodded, not very eager to explain my masochistic reasons for wearing butt-floss. Luckily, Hyde only rolled his eyes before tugging at my undergarment until it dropped to the floor along with my pants. I expected him to start… whatever we was going to start, but instead he leaned back on the bed and stared at my nudity as if it were an incomprehensible pop art sculpture.
“Well,” Hyde sighed. The next thing he did was so humiliating, I almost slapped him for it. He lifted a hand and playfully swatted at my left testicle like a cat toying with a ball of string. To add insult to injury, he giggled.
“What is it?” I asked, arms akimbo. “It’s not like you’ve never seen testicles before.”
As if surprised to find out the balls had a voice, he quickly jerked his head up to meet my face. He grinned seductively and said, “I’m just amazed, Gackt, that I’m here with you.”
I was close to punching him in the nose. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?” I exclaimed, though I didn’t move from my position. “Are you amazed that magnificent Hyde is sitting before a naked loser like me? You think you’re too good for me? Is that it?” All my feelings of worthlessness returned and again I thought of my bleak future. I didn’t need him to remind me.
His jaw dropped, shocked by my sudden outburst. Obviously, Hyde had never seen my bitchy side. It only came out on the rare occasion when someone a) insulted my music or b) insulted my manhood. Often times I was more sensitive about the latter, since I would only show that to a select few.
“I just…” Now Hyde was the stuttering one. “It’s the other way around.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, furrowing a brow. I sat beside him on the edge of the bed.
He continued. “You’re Gackt,” Hyde stated the obvious. “You’re young, successful, beautiful, talented… And I’m just…”
“…a rock legend, gorgeous, sexy,” I finished for him, placing an arm around his shoulder. A pang of guilt for shouting hit my stomach. I decided to comfort him, but the act made me feel more like his motivational speaker than prospective lover.
Suddenly, Hyde leaned against me with such a force that it knocked me onto my back with his head lying on my chest. “I’m not too old?” he asked innocently as if nothing had happened.
Trying to hold back laughter, I assured him that a thirty-five-year-old was not old. However, he lifted his head and glared down at me with a little bit of amusement in his eyes. “Is that how old you think I am?” he asked.
“Younger?” I hoped. Though it was known that Hyde was at least in his thirties due to the number of years he was in the music biz, he could easily pass for a man (or woman) in his mid-twenties.
“I’m forty-four,” he stated shamefully before burrowing his face into my chest again.
My eyes widened and I almost sprung up from the bed in shock. “How?” was all I could manage.
Hyde moved his right hand across my chest and to my shoulder, as if to make sure I couldn’t escape from under him. He then began kissing and licking my neck, making it obvious that he did not want to respond. I knew I should have been turned on, but all I could think about was my last question.
“Plastic surgery?” I suggested, but that only made Hyde move his tongue faster.
“Good genes?” I tried another while Hyde began to massage my abdomen with his left hand.
“Did you sell your soul to the Devil in exchange for eternal life?” I attempted.
He stopped all activities. “Yes, Gackt,” he answered sarcastically. “But unfortunately, the Devil then sold it to Santa Claus so he and the Tooth Fairy could have someone to take care of the Easter Bunny.” He rolled his eyes then continued his foreplay by touching my now limp penis.
“Hyde, tell me how!” I ordered, but it sounded more like a whine.
When he realized I was obviously not going to be aroused while that question was floating in the air, he sat up and stated, “The first one, Gackt. Ok? Are you happy?”
“I would’ve never guessed,” I stated honestly. I made a mental note to ask Hyde for the plastic surgeon’s number later that night.
Evidently, the question about his age angered him because he began to furiously knead at my pelvic region. His kissing also became rougher and I could tell I would probably walk away with one or two hickeys. However, I didn’t anticipate the next occurrence.
“Ow!” I yelped when Hyde bit down on my flesh just above the collarbone.
    He raised his head and gave me his typical glare. “If you think it hurts now…”
    I didn’t let him finish. “At least give me some warning next time,” I requested, then realized the hint in Hyde’s last statement. “What do you mean, ‘hurt’?”
    With a roll of his eyes, Hyde replied, “When my penis enters your…”
    “No, no,” I shook my head and attempted to sit up. “You’re not the one entering me.” Perhaps he hadn’t gotten the memo that I was the best performer in bed, but only when I was on top. The one time I was on the bottom (which Masa probably gloated about to all his friends for decades) was uncomfortable both physically and emotionally. Let’s just say I had a tight ass.
    Amazingly strong, Hyde shoved me back down on the mattress. “Whose idea was this?” he questioned.
    “Yours,” I answered, slightly frightened by Hyde’s inexplicable power.
    He straddled me, holding my shoulders down with his knees. “Who’s older?”
    “You are.” Now I was a bit terrified.
    He grabbed my face in his hands, causing my lips to form a fish-face. Not a pretty picture. “And who has the most to lose here?”
    I didn’t answer right away. Sure, he was married and had a child, but if he was planning on having an affair with me then he probably didn’t love them in the first place. And it’s not like I didn’t have anything to lose. If I got caught, the tabloids and fan fiction writers [A/N: Hee hee] would have a field day. But I decided to appease Hyde since he reached behind his back and snatched my penis as if to take it hostage.
    “You do,” I finally answered, which caused him to release me from his hold. Then under my breath, “But I’m taller.”
    “I’m glad we’re in agreement,” he stated, obviously not hearing the last remark. “Do you want a blow job?”
    Again, I hesitated on my answer. I was beginning to have second thoughts about the entire affair. By Hyde’s slightly erratic behavior, I realized how little I knew about his personality. He had always been such a fun-loving, amicable person at work, but this Hyde seemed perverse and, for lack of a better word, scary. Maybe it wasn’t wise to have sexual relations with a former business associate without getting to know him first. At least that was what my head was saying. My now erect member was saying otherwise.
    “Go ahead,” I answered with an inviting smirk, then mentally slapped myself for the unintentional pun.
    Hyde’s body slid down mine sensually until his face was level with my penis. His fingers lightly brushed against it before his lips drew in close. It looked as if he was parting his lips to take my arousal into his mouth, but instead he breathed lightly on it. I kept my eyes down at him teasing me mercilessly. It was one thing to promise a real blow job and not deliver, but it was another to taunt my sexual desires with a literal “blow” job.
    Apparently, he was intentionally fooling around for he looked up and chuckled at my annoyed face. “You don’t like it?” he asked innocently, rubbing my thighs with his hands.
    “I thought you were going to…” I began, but couldn’t continue because Hyde’s mouth with suddenly around my dick. The surprise caused me to jerk my hips forward suddenly. Hyde took that motion as a sign of pleasure, so he moaned deep in his throat, allowing faint vibrations to tickle me. My breathing quickened and I could hear my heart pounding in my chest as Hyde’s tongue moved around, exciting every bit of flesh it touched.
    He was experienced. There was no way he could have gotten this good from pleasuring Megumi (I shuttered at the thought). But at the moment, I didn’t care how many men Hyde had blown because it was neither my business nor of any consequence in our current position.
    As he sucked on me, his hands moved between my thighs to my rear, occasionally sticking a finger up the hole. I clutched the bed’s comforter and closed my eyes in dread, remembering the excruciating pain I felt during and after the act with Masa some three years ago. How anyone could feel pleasure from such a thing was beyond me. I always found it highly difficult to relax in this situation, so taut muscles led to an almost tortuous fit.
    Hyde began to work at me faster, moaning more deeply to encourage excitement. I soon realized he was impatiently waiting for me to cum before he moved on to his needs. It usually didn’t take me this long, but something about the tense and awkward atmosphere was preventing it. His moaning soon began to sound like complaining, but he kept at it while feeling around the outside of my anus. Then finally, when he made a noise resembling someone clearing his throat, I let out a less than adequate amount of semen. Hyde quickly removed his mouth and spit out cum in the foot-high trash can near the bed.
    “Ugh,” he grunted, which I’m sure he would have assured to be a moan of pleasure instead of disgust had I asked him.
    I tried to think of something witty to say in the hopes of ending this rendezvous without Hyde butt-fucking me. “That was nice,” I said, which was not witty at all.
    I thought my pathetic compliment had somehow convinced Hyde not to go through with it, for he stood up from the bed. But it was a false hope for he only stood so he could more easily remove his briefs, tossing them out of the way. Upon seeing Hyde’s naked body, I froze. The first time I had seen it, I must have been too shocked to notice how big he was compared to the rest of his body.
    “Short men make up for their height in other areas,” I almost joked, but concluded that would probably piss him off.
    With a determined face, he climbed back on top of me. I tried to back away a bit, but I was once again pinned to the mattress. This time, however, my legs were separated more and Hyde’s crotch was dangerously close to my opening. I reached up and grabbed Hyde’s shoulders as he put his fingers into me, spreading my tense muscles.
    “Wait!” I panicked.
    He looked up at me and gave an annoyed, “What?”
    “Lubricant?” I hoped. If we had to go through with this, at least lubricant would make it a bit easier.
    Hyde didn’t move his body, but his eyes rolled. “Did you bring any?” he asked, sounding like a teacher scolding a child for forgetting his homework.
    “No,” I answered with equal insecurity as the above simile.
    “Too bad,” was all Hyde could say as he widened my hole and let his erection slide in.
    Initially, it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I wanted to gag, but there was nothing in my throat to gag on, so I just gave a dry cough. But then, I started to feel something highly unexpected. As Hyde rocked back and forth, the pain dulled and the sensation of his flesh touching my innards started to feel… good. Not only good, but also relaxing. Watching his sexual motions gave me the satisfaction that I was pleasuring him. Never in my life had I found so much enjoyment in appeasing another human being. Before, it had all been about what was best for me. At that point, I could only think of what was best for my partner.
    Hyde eventually pulled out with a heaving sigh, which made me realize that he hardly made any noise through the entire act. (Unlike Masa, who babbled and screamed even when I gave him a simple hand job.) He slumped a bit, then stood from the bed and went to the bathroom, leaving me on the slightly soiled comforter.
    As I heard him running the water for the shower, I pulled back the blankets and slid under them. My ass was sore, but not unbearably so. I figured I could let it rest before I stood to get dressed. I looked down between my thighs and noticed a little bit of blood and cum still present. With a tissue from the bedside table, I cleaned it off, remembering that I hadn’t even realized Hyde came in me or that I was bleeding. Perhaps it all acted like a lubricant and that was why it didn’t hurt after a few minutes.
    “Hello, Gackt,” Hyde surprised me as he came out of the bathroom, fully clothed but with slightly damp hair.
    I sat up in the bed. “Hyde,” as if there would be anyone else in the room, “that was wonderful.”
    He took a cigarette and lighter out of his pants’ pocket. “Hm,” he asserted, then placed the fag in his mouth and lit it.
    “Don’t you want to sit with me for a bit?” I suggested. I wasn’t normally one for cuddling; I just wanted to know how he did it so well without hurting me.
    He came over, sitting with his back to me on at the foot of the bed while I was at the head.
    While he took long drags from his cigarette, I started to babble. “I’m glad you suggested this. I really needed to relax. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t get any in New York, it’s just that strangers don’t always make for the best…”
    Hyde turned to face me, an amicable grin on his face. “Well, thank you for letting an old fart fuck you.”
“You’re not that old,” I assured him.
He stood and walked around the bed to get closer to me after putting his fag out in the ashtray near the bed. Still standing, he leaned over and planted a kiss on my eyebrow. Then, he crawled into the bed next to me and put his arms around my waist.
“You don’t look forty-four,” I stated matter-of-factly, which was completely true. “Say, what’s the name of your plastic…”
“You know what?” he interrupted, rubbing his cheek against my bare chest. “I’ll make a deal with you.”
Looking down at him, I noticed how innocent he looked. The minutes before we engaged in sex, I felt like I was the innocent one and he was the rapist defiling me. However, at that moment, he reminded me how beautiful and lovely his face was. I neglected to notice it before because of my apprehension, but there was truly a radiance about him. Perhaps that was why I could not refuse his advances.
“I know what you’re feeling,” Hyde began. “I went through the same thing in my career. I felt exhausted, worthless, and untalented. That was until you came along.” He began to stroke my chest lightly.
I nodded.
“You said you wanted me,” he continued. “You said I was talented. You said there was something I could bring to the screen that no other man could. And I believed you.”
“It’s true,” I responded. Actually, I told him all those things just so he would sign the movie contract. Not that they weren’t true, I just exaggerated his strong points a bit more than they were worth.
He lifted his head to gaze at me with his large, brown eyes. “I knew then that you would be the man who would save me from celebrity obscurity. And I should return the favor.”
“What do you mean?” I questioned.
His eyes bore into mine as if he was trying to hypnotize me. “I know this was a release for you, something new and exciting. And you enjoyed it.”
That was certainly true.
“Let’s become lovers,” Hyde ordered more than suggested.
I didn’t respond, just stared.
“Long-term,” Hyde added, his face completely earnest.
“Boyfriends?” I pondered, dreading the word. I, of course, had had my fair share of beaus, but the thought of Hyde courting me made me picture awkward dinner dates, awkward meeting-of-the-parents, and eventually a painfully awkward wedding.
He broke into hysterics, playfully slapping my chest. “No! Not like that. What’s another way to put this?” He paused to think for a moment. “Fuck buddies.”
I heaved a sigh of relief. So Hyde wasn’t looking for a committed relationship, just one where we’d see other people while occasionally spending a night in a hotel together. I grinned and nodded. “Sure,” I answered. “Whenever we need to let off a bit of steam…”
“Right,” Hyde said. He suddenly stood from the bed and headed towards his shoes. “Don’t try to contact me. I’ll call you.” After taking a split second to slide his shoes on, he shot out the door too quickly for me to respond.

Chapter Three