[secret‡letters)

sai wa nagarareta | Fire Angel

I never really liked singing. Although I’d always been informed by other members of previous bands that my singing voice was something exceptional and should be explored somewhat, my response was always a definite thankyou but no. Singing was okay when you were at a karaoke bar or messing around with friends, but when it came down to serious musicality and the option of playing my guitar, or playing my drums, or singing… Well, let’s just say that the latter option rarely got a look-in. And by rarely I mean that my intended word would translate more correctly as never.

So it was really by freak chance that night that I was singing for Jelsarem’s Rod. A freak chance, which in my encyclopaedia of previous life experiences reads as previous lead vocal leaving and almighty leader-sama promoting poor guitarist and back-up vocal to lead vocal “until we can replace you” or in other words forever. The truth was that the aforementioned almighty leader-sama had been trying to nudge me (if you can call it that) into the vocalist’s position and the departure of our band member had given him the perfect excuse to do so. Of course, he reasoned, it was much easier to replace a guitarist than it was a vocalist. Which it obviously wasn’t; but who was I to argue? I was just the lead guitarist – sorry, lead vocalist – not the leader of the band or anything. Being the young and so far unexperienced musician I was, I hung my head and said nothing, not even in the face of extreme annoyance. And so, I was singing on that night, fronting my friend’s band and facing a huge audience of approximately fifty-seven people.

That audience contained one of the most beautiful young faces I have ever seen, and may I remind you that over the course of my career I have indeed seen many beautiful young faces. It belonged to a young man, anyway, a young man who looked about my age but could have been younger or older or both, who watched me with open curiosity and thoughtfulness as I whiled away the hours uselessly into my instrument-cum-loudspeaker. He was unbearably handsome and more than once I found myself staring at him as I sang, smiling at him and waiting for him to smile back at me; which he eventually did, and then did again.

Thankfully, we got through the quickly-rehearsed songs without major mishap (because I don’t count forgetting two songs’ lyrics ‘major’ you see) and after a debrief/telling-off from leader-sama we finally finished for the night and went our separate ways. The others went home but I headed over to the bar where I could see that same youngish face pouting, sipping a glass of juice and watching as the delicate hand it owned scribbled notes over a sheet of manuscript paper.

There was a vacant stool next to him; I occupied it for myself and he looked up with a vague, unknowing and entirely all-too-innocent smile. I smiled back, bending the upper half of my sweated-out body into a slight bow of acknowledgement and introduction. Then I drawled, “I’m Hyde; from the band. Wouldn’t you let me buy you a drink?”
He blinked at me for a moment, and then realised I was serious. A slight smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Yoroshiku, Hyde-san. I’m Tetsu. And I already have a drink, thankyou.”
I sneered. “Fruit juice.”
Tetsu regarded me curiously as I turned to the bartender and requested two bottles of his finest beer, oh and that I was paying for my young friend here. Then he coloured. “I’m 20,” he murmured, shyly handing back the bottle I’d just passed him.
A snort covered my surprise at his age as I gently pushed the bottle back into those slim, delicate hands, saying quietly to him, “And we all break the law every now and then, Tet-chan.”
He gulped, staring at me with those hugely brown eyes that had watched me all throughout the performance. Then he uncapped the bottle with shaking fingers and murmured some form of affirmative plus a thankyou before raising it tentatively to those pouting lips. I wasn’t really paying attention as he sipped and smiled; my eyes had strayed to the manuscript paper that sat at his side, scribbled on agitatedly but otherwise neglected.

“You’re a wonderful singer you know,” he blurted suddenly.
“Hmm?” I glanced up with raised eyebrows and a distracted feeling that I knew for sure would display quite clearly on my face.
Tetsu coloured again, the soft red blush playing against the brown of his slim cheeks. “Uhm,” he stumbled, “I was just mentioning that… you sing… your singing is… really good. Yeah. Really very good, you know.”
I regarded him in silence for a moment, taking a swig from my own neglected beer and then frowning, saying thoughtfully, “Maji? I don’t like singing.”
His face fell. “Oh.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that, and said laughingly, “I suppose I should say thankyou…”
“Oh, that’s not it at all,” he said hurriedly, seeing quickly that I’d mistaken him for the blushing fanboy type, which I had so I didn’t begrudge him that. When I nodded for him to continue, he looked away and muttered embarrassedly, “I was hoping to steal you for myself.”

With a grin, I leaned over and slid a hand high up onto his thigh, chuckling when he spun back to face me with wide eyes and glowing cheeks. “Really,” I laughed teasingly, “if that was all you wanted to say, Tet-chan, you should have told me five minutes ago and saved us all from all that meet-greet stuff.” My tongue pried out and played against my upper lip, just like it always does when I’m being a whore, and Tetsu’s colour reddened dramatically as he stumbled for words.
“That wasn’t what I meant,” he eventually managed to squeak, and with a laugh, I pulled away from him, still smiling in a teasing and lazy manner that I swear on pain of death was entirely unpractised.
“What did you mean then?” I drawled, taking another sip of my drink before removing a pack of cigarettes from my pocket and dutifully offering him one as I lit my own.
He shook his head. “Thanks, but I don’t smoke,” he told me, and then continued on, “I meant that I have a band. I lead a band,” he corrected himself automatically.
“You do?” I asked, intrigued. “What do you play?”
“Bass.”
“Oh, I see. And you want me for what? You want to steal me so you’ve got a vocalist?” He nodded coyly, and I grinned, admittedly a little hopefully. “I play guitar too.”
“I’ve got a guitarist.”
“I play drums.”
“I like your voice.”
“I don’t.”
“But I do,” he argued stubbornly.

With a sigh, I downed several mouthfuls of beer before looking the young man back in the eye. “So,” I said conclusively, “based only on the fact that you like my voice, you want to steal me from one band to another incomplete one with basically no change in position whatsoever.”
“Uhm.” He blushed profusely then, the reality and ridiculousness of his request hitting him in full. “Yeah, I guess that’s it.”
“So what’s in it for me?” Bored now, I flicked cigarette ash into a nearby ashtray before taking another drag of smoke into my lungs. “Apart from loss of what little fame I possess, of course.”
It seemed that I’d hit a sensitive and important topic, because instantly, Tetsu leaned across to me and explained eagerly, “What’s fame when you’re bored out of your mind? Hyde-san even I could see that being with that band annoys you. I don’t know why but… there’s something more that you crave, and being with those members isn’t fulfilling it. But I…” he coloured boyishly when he spoke but continued on, “I can give you that. My band, more specifically, can give you that… what you want, whatever that is. I’m sure of it. And anyway… a change is as good as a holiday, right?”
I looked at him perfectly seriously then, and said, “Now, Tet-chan, I don’t know if it’s just the alcohol talking, but I have the most insane urge to kiss you right now.”
The colour darkened and I became intensely aware that it hadn’t really left his cheeks the whole time we’d been sitting there. “…Oh,” he said softly. “Really?”

Then he smiled. And I honestly don’t know if it was the alcohol acting or what, but after a drawn-out moment of bashfulness on his part, he leaned forward. Our lips came together clumsily. He was about as inexperienced as the average twelve-year-old girl, I realised, and so I was gentle as I parted his lips with mine, deepening the kiss little by little so as not to startle him and frighten him away. He tasted like beer, obviously enough, but that tangy spark was tinged with the sweetness of his cinnamon and cream dessert. His lips were soft and full, pliable and pouting where I touched them softly with my own.

It only lasted for a moment but all this imprinted clearly on my mind before he pulled away with reddened cheeks and downcast eyes. “Uhm, Hyde-san,” he said, as if trying to join our conversation where I’d left it, “About my band…”
“That,” I pointed out, “was your first kiss, wasn’t it.”
He shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Maybe,” he conceded after he realised that a shrug wasn’t going to be sufficient. Looking away, he pleaded, “D-Don’t play with me. I just need a vocalist for my band, Hyde-san.”
“…I’ll give it some thought,” I said eventually, playing with strands of my long hair between my fingers (which would be better occupied, I knew, with the metallic strings of my favourite guitar, but obviously it was not meant to be) and smiling as he watched me do so. When his look of confused wistfulness swiftly transformed into a pleading and discontent gaze, I added consolingly, “I can’t decide right now, Tet-chan. It’s too late and I’m tipsy. Here, take my name card-” I shoved it at him “-and call me tomorrow sometime once I’ve given it some more thought. Okay?”
Tetsu nodded, looking visibly happier than he had been. “Sure,” he said with a smile, accepting my name card and bowing slightly as I stood. “Thankyou.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” I said, amusedly, but gently also because I admired his enthusiasm. “Not until I’ve done something you can actually thank me for, at least.”
“You already have,” he said earnestly. When my gaze narrowed into an interested stare/squint, he coloured and touched his lips self-consciously. “Uhh… thankyou,” he said again. “I’ll… call you tomorrow.”

Then he fled, and I was left standing there tasting of cinnamon and cream.

The phone rang at an abominably early hour (read: two p.m.) the following day. I sat up in bed, half-growling in tired anger, half-moaning in hangover-inflicted pain and nausea, and groped around in the semi-dark for my glasses, sliding them onto my nose before storming out of bed and in the general direction of the nearest phone. After two nasty tumbles that I’d really prefer not to elaborate on, I eventually made it to the aforementioned phone, snatching the receiver between furiously shaking fingers and snarling, “What?!” even as I cautiously lowered myself into a nearby chair, wincing as I sat on newly-formed bruises.
For a moment there was dead silence, and then a soft voice queried, “Hyde-san?”
“Speaking. What do you want?”
“Uhm… it’s Tetsu.”

My mind blanked, and for several long seconds I stared at the receiver stupidly as I tried to process the name and just how I was meant to know this guy. Probably I’d met him at a Rod gig. Probably meaning I’d slept with him at some point or another. Probably meaning he was acting the jilted lover and wanted to talk to me about the future of our practically-non-existent relationship. Yeah, I reasoned with my hung-over brain, that was it.

I sighed. “Tetsu, hi,” I said as casually as I could manage, ready to pull my all-too-infamous dump stunt. “How are you?”
He was silent for a moment, but when he spoke again I could hear the smile in his youngish voice. “Wonderful,” he said. “And… and you, Hyde-san?”
“Not too bad. You know… I’ve been thinking,” I admitted in what I really hoped sounded to him like a serious tone, “about us.”
“…Oh?” His voice sounded like he was badly acting himself into a calm composure, underlaid with a serious excitement and even just a slight amount of sweet embarrassment. “You… you have?”
I smiled. “Sure.”
“Wow.” He sounded awed now. “So… uhm… what do you think?”
With a slight sigh, I shook my head, hoping that a negative sound would as a result transmit smoothly into my voice when I spoke. “…I really don’t know,” I said eventually, smiling slightly as the acted negative rang loud and clear.
Tetsu heard it too. “You’re going to say no,” he told me bluntly, and I could hear the disappointment in his sweet, smooth voice. When my silence agreed, he asked softly, “Can I at least ask why? Or does it all come back to what you said to me last night?”
“Uhhh…” Admittedly I blanked there, and barked quickly, “Remind me of what I said.”
“You didn’t see the point of leaving your current band for mine when you’d already started to build yourself a fanbase… I think that was what you were saying; I can’t remember exactly.”

I blinked, and in that moment the events of the previous night came rushing back to attack my brain, making me drop the phone in surprise and leaving the squeaky sound of Tetsu’s voice bleating from the small speaker that now sat perched precariously on my knee: “Hyde-san? Hyde-san? Are you still there, Hyde-san? Hyde-san?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” I answered, lifting the phone back to my ear. “Sorry about that.”
“Uhm… that’s okay? Hyde-san?”
“Look, how about we start this phone conversation from scratch,” I suggested laughingly. “It’s really only just occurred to me who you are.”
I could almost hear the cogs grinding viciously in his brain, trying to turn and failing, as he asked confusedly, “Uhm… Hyde-san, who did you think I was?”
“To tell you the truth, I don’t know. My brain doesn’t function right at such an early hour.”
“Uhm…” Silence. “…It’s two p.m..”
“Exactly my point. Early. Plus, I’m hung-over, which doesn’t help.”
“But it’s two p.m..”
“……I didn’t get home until eight a.m.,” I admitted grudgingly, realising he wouldn’t let it go otherwise, sighing as I heard him stifle a combined gasp and giggle of obvious and sudden understanding.

“Perhaps, then,” he said sympathetically, “I should come around to your place and make you some soup to take your headache away.”
I laughed at him before I realised that he was perfectly serious. Then I gaped into the receiver, asking in surprise, “You’d do that for me?” No one had offered to cook for me since I left home, apart from my mother of course in her desperate attempts to drag me back there. I was sincerely touched, sincerely surprised, and I think he could hear that in my voice.
He was smiling as he said in cheerful concern, “Of course I would, Hyde-san, if it will take your headache away. I’ll be around there as soon as I’ve had a chance to buy some ingredients, okay?”
I was shocked into silence for a few moments. “Uhm, sure. …Thankyou.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” he laughed, throwing my words back at me so quickly that I had to cover a smile with my hand. “At least not until I’ve done something you can actually thank me for, okay Hyde-san?”
“…Okay,” I said, but he’d already gone.

Half an hour later, twenty-year-old Ogawa Tetsuya was swanning casually around my kitchen like he owned it, intermittently singing short bursts of songs, telling me about himself, or eagerly asking questions about my life. He was, he admitted, a virgin (check), bisexual with a leaning towards homosexuality (check), passionate about music and any related arts (check), atheist (check), desperately obsessed with taking care of people (check, check) and, he concluded, “Pretty hopeless at almost everything” (…not-quite-so-check). Almost everything included cooking, I discovered some hours later, when he finally allowed his chicken soup to stop marinading in its own… soup… and invited me to taste it, leaving me spluttering like a baby on the floor and him pouting as he sulked, “How was I supposed to know that it meant teaspoon? It looks like it says tablespoon right here…”

Far be it for anyone to realise that a relatively small serving of chicken soup need not contain two whole tablespoons of curry powder.

In the end I called one of Japan’s few take-out pizza places and had them deliver us two steaming hot Italian-style pizzas, which Tetsu and I shared as we curled up comfortably and amiably on opposite ends of my ratty old couch and watched reruns of dodgy horror movies on TV, talking animatedly during commercial breaks and learning more about each other. It was weird how already I felt like I’d known him forever, known that cheeky smile and that consistently embarrassed flush, that sweetly smooth voice, that gentle touch of open worry and concern. It was weirder still how he said almost exactly the same thing just as I finished thinking it.
Sitting up across from me as the first movie finished and a second began, Tetsu reached out and lightly touched my knee with his fingertips, saying softly, “It’s strange, Doiha-chan, but it feels like I’ve known you forever.”
I grinned. “‘Doiha’-chan?” I queried laughingly as I sat up too, looking through the semi-dark at his handsomely smiling face.
Tetsu turned away, not before I saw the blush highlighting his cheekbones, and shrugged. “Ha-i-do,” he enunciated on the slightest of utterances. “Do-i-ha. See?”
“I see,” I said with a frown, not really sure I liked this new nickname.
He laughed. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re weird, Tet-chan.”
“Considering that your description of weird is a non-smoking, non-drinking virgin, I find little offence in that statement,” my new friend replied smugly.
“Virgin? Bah,” I spat leeringly. “Easily fixed.”
“Don’t turn me into one of your casual fucks, Doiha-chan,” he warned blushingly from across the other side of the couch. “I won’t have it.”
I raised my hands innocently. “Was I suggesting that? No.” Then, unable to help myself, I grinned barbarically. “I had something entirely different in mind.”
“…Yes?”
“A trade.”
“A… trade?”
“Your services as a virgin for my services as a vocalist.”

I was in no way serious, and was laughing when I said it, but I realised I’d made the wrong move when Tetsu stood from the couch, looking upset. “That’s not funny,” he said in a painfully quiet voice, hardly looking at me as he spoke. “That’s not funny at all, Hyde.”
“Hey, Tet-chan, relax,” I said, still laughing. “I was just joking.”
He kept his face carefully averted, and when he eventually glanced at me again, I was surprised to see tears glimmering in the corners of his eyes. He bit his lip. “I may be only 20,” he told me as soon as he could compose himself, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t care deeply about things. Obviously… if you can be this blasé about it… obviously you were never thinking about saying ‘yes’ to my offer anyway. You may as well just say ‘no’ then because you’re hurting me by playing around like this.”
I gaped. “There’s no need to take it to heart…!”
He sighed. “You don’t understand, do you? Hyde – I want to make music. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. …Maybe… maybe I should just go. I’ll… don’t worry about me, I’ll find a vocalist, I’m sure.”
“Oh, Tet-chan, don’t be like this.” I was on my feet now, gripping his shoulders from behind, shaking my head. “Come on. I was just messing around. I’m sorry.”
“Hyde-”
“Kiss me, Tetsu.”

He spun to face me, eyes blazing angrily. “What-?!”
“You heard me,” I told him patiently. “I want you to kiss me.”
“D-Don’t be dumb,” he bleated, shaking his head with troubled eyes. “D-Don’t do this. Why do you do this?”
With a small sigh, I wound Tetsu into my arms and looked up into his tear-filled liquid browns, saying softly, “I just want to kiss you again. Is that a crime?”
“N-No, but…”
“You’ll find it unbelievably calming,” I promised, sliding a hand gently onto his smooth cheek as he quivered and gulped. “Therapeutical, if you will.”
Even through his troubled gaze he managed to raise an eyebrow in response to my comments. “Calming.” He spoke sarcastically, making me laugh loudly. “Therapeutical.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He laughed. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Why don’t you try it before you knock it, Tet-chan,” I suggested, drawing him closer and tightening my grip on him before he could find time or breath to protest. He coloured horribly but I didn’t release him, just pressed my lips hotly to his cheek and murmured, “Tell me to stop, if you’re too afraid.”

When he said nothing, I shifted until my kiss was being bestowed carefully on his pouting red lips, making him gasp in embarrassment and even slight surprise as his hands tightened involuntarily on my shoulders for just a moment before he wound them around my neck and tangled his fingers in my long hair. I parted his lips gently, smiling when he obeyed without protest. His skin felt heated against my own. Quiet, nervous breaths whooshed from between his lips to settle on mine. It was nothing short of wonderful. Carefully, I slid my fingers up and down his spine, making him shiver, deepening our kiss but being as gentle as I knew how, infinitely aware of how innocently fragile he was and how the slightest loss of self-control on my behalf could shatter and scare him away. I was so cautious. Even the soft sound of his whimper as I pushed my tongue gently through his lips made me start and nearly pull away, but then he smiled and shyly met my tongue with his, and I relaxed again, smiling just slightly at the way his knees shook and gave out then, toppling him into my supporting grip. He hung in my arms, returning my kiss and shaking like a leaf in the wind.

Eventually, I broke away and gently helped Tetsu into a sitting position on the couch as he looked up at me with those wide brown eyes, his full red lips hanging just slightly open as he nervously sucked oxygen into his airless lungs. Smiling, I gently wound a hand through his long, straight, auburn-dyed hair, and murmured softly, “See? It’s not as bad as you’d think, ne?”
He laughed slightly, shifting his position as he blushingly noticed the slight hardness that had started to push at the crotch of his pants, blushing more as I noticed it too, and smiled. Then he cleared his throat, chuckling again. “Not bad, although I really don’t think ‘calming’ is the right word,” he told me, looking embarrassedly away when I sat next to him and grinned barbarically.
“Therapeutical?”
His blush deepened. “That one’s okay I suppose,” he admitted.
“Good,” I told him, with a slight bow. “Glad to be of service. Any time you need some anaesthetic…” I winked then, and he laughed even through that hideously-deep blush.

There was a long moment of silence and then Tetsu looked up at me, his dark eyes strangely round and full, as if he’d been left in a pitch black room for the better half of eternity. “May I… err… may I use your toilet?” he requested softly.
I nodded and smiled. “Yeah sure, why not? It’s just over there-” I pointed, “-down that hallway and through the first door on your left. I don’t have toilet slippers because they annoy me.”
He smiled back at me, and I admired his form as he stood, noticing that he was being careful to keep the noticeable evidence of his erection turned away from me but still allowing me to admire the way his slim muscular arms strained against the material of his brightly coloured t-shirt as he stretched widely and yawned. Twisting his head over his shoulder, he grinned and said, “I’ll be back in a few, Doiha-chan.”
“Mmm, sure, sure,” I yawned, waving a hand carelessly at him and flopping back onto the couch in what probably looked like the deadest of dead faints. “Just jump on me when you get back.”
He laughed then and wandered off, his socks brushing softly and nearly silently against the wooden slats of my living room floor. Then, after a short few moments, I heard the bathroom door slam shut and the latch being quickly flicked, leaving Tetsu on one side of a locked door and me on the other.

An idea struck me at that moment and I sat up instantly like someone beaten away from a nightmare, eyes wide and thoughtful, mouth hanging just slightly open. Almost involuntarily, my fingers crept up to rub at my smooth chin, even as I was sliding silently off the couch and placing my bare feet carefully on the floor. I crossed the room in a moment, moving soundlessly over the hard wooden slats; in a further second I was pressed relentlessly and painfully against the bathroom door, listening to the soft mutterings being emitted from within, words I should theoretically not have been hearing. With a grin, I sidled up as close to the door as I dared, pressing my ear firmly to the solid wood.

“Dammit,” Tetsu muttered in a low voice. (The slightest of vibrations told me that he’d just tapped his head slightly against one of the room’s plaster walls.) “It’s not meant to work this way; he’s just meant to say ‘yes’ and be in the band. For God’s sake if I’d wanted molestation I would’ve gone to a brothel or a gay bar. Really.” There was a moment of silence spent (most likely) glowering at his hardened arousal, and then another moment in which an amused grin split my mouth in two as a stifled gasp sounded in the small room. All movement stopped then, as if he was worried that I, out on the couch (insert snort and ‘yeah right’ here), had heard his voiceless cry, but then he gave in to the surge of pleasure and bliss that held him captive, alternatively gasping and moaning with each intake and output of breath as he got himself off and most likely saved himself from the prospect of losing his virginity to an obviously horny possibly-bandmate.

But it was my name he whimpered between shaky gasps, my name that bubbled so sweetly over quivering lips and brushed so lightly over my skin, making me surprisingly and painfully horny. Grinning, I ran my hand down over my white pants and stroked myself through the material in time with Tetsu’s desperate gasps, biting my lip to stop from moaning myself when he did, wincing silently as blood pooled and spilled from the indents my teeth were quickly creating in my own skin. I quickly flicked my tongue out to catch the coppery liquid before it stained my flesh, then closed my eyes in ecstasy and tightened my hand firmly around my balls as Tetsu’s breathy voice rose to a desperate whine. He moaned my name loudly, his voice cracking as he came. For him, at least, it was over.

Suddenly, I realised his secret to a virginity of twenty years and counting, and that thought made me smile amusedly as I stood slightly away from the door.

Inside, Tetsu seemed to be kicking himself. “You idiot,” he hissed passionately, his voice kept desperately low. “As if your precious Doiha-chan didn’t hear half of that.” Then there was silence, and knowing him, he was pressing his head to the cool plaster and trying to think of excuses that would explain why he moaned my name so many times in the toilet, and even more likely finding none. When I heard him sob in obvious embarrassment and uneasiness, I moved away, heading silently back to the couch and quickly making a decision of my own.

Because I’ve always been an evil tease when it comes to myself, I quickly slipped a hand into my own pants and stroked once down the length of my own erection, emitting the slightest sigh of pleasure before pressing myself face-down onto the couch and feigning a state of extremely comatose non-existence (read: sleep). Only seconds later I heard Tetsu’s sigh of relief as he found me lying there in such a manner.

A moment passed, and then my new friend pressed his hand lightly into my shoulder. When I groaned a response, I heard him smile. “Don’t bother getting up, Doiha-chan,” he whispered, running his fingers gently over my cheek, making me wonder dimly if that was his jerking-off hand and smiling at the kinkiness of the thought. “I’ll let myself out, okay?”
“Mm-hmm,” I mumbled, curling up into the foetal position and hugging cushions to myself so he couldn’t see exactly how far my arousal was jutting out from its normal position. “Thanks for coming.”
He was silent and with a mental chuckle I congratulated myself on making him blush again. “…Yeah,” he said eventually. “No problem. It was fun. Thanks for letting me come over.”
“No problem.”
“…I’ll see you soon then…?”
“Yeah,” I slurred, my eyes fluttering momentarily open and then shut again. “Band practice.”
“Okay, sounds…… what?” He stopped, started, stopped again and then squeaked, “You’re joining my band?”
“Mm-hmm,” I nodded. (Well why not be in a band with a hot bisexual virgin leader who idolises you and jerks off over you?) A sleepy, half-assed smile spread over my lips. “I’ll quit Rod the instant I wake up, I promise, Tet-chan.”
I wasn’t watching him but from the tone of his voice he was gaping, teary and unsure of what to say or do. Stumbling over his words, he said, “Okay, so… I’ll call you.”
“Sure, sure, just not so early next time.” I waved my arm listlessly. “Bye bye, Tet-chan.”
“See you, Hyde. And… thanks.”

The instant the door shut, I leapt up and paraded back to my bathroom, locking myself inside for a return assault on my penis, courtesy of one Ogawa Tetsuya and his unintentional sexuality.

I ended up staying there for the better part of the night.

Over the years, I’ve gone to hell and back with and for my ‘impressionable young man’, but nothing has ever been quite as bad as my departure from Jelsarem’s Rod the day after my acceptance of Tetsu’s offer. We had a scheduled practice, so I figured that my best bet was to go along and announce my decision to the whole band so that they’d support me when leader-sama tried to glare me to the deepest pits of Hell’s seventh circle. Later of course, I realised I should have just phoned him instead of subjecting myself to the wrath of the entire band; but at the time I honestly thought they’d support my decision like the ‘good friends’ they were and had been, up to that shatteringly explosive moment.

Things have a habit of running entirely not-to-plan when it comes to my life, and this case, in which I’d planned to swan in at a fashionably late and somewhat critical moment, obviously looking nothing short of perfect, solemnly announce my departure, and politely kiss a stricken leader-sama on the cheek (or perhaps the lips) as I swanned right back out of his life, the rest of my bandmates laughing and wishing me well in cheerful calls of farewell… well, let’s just say that this case was, in the end, no exception to that annoying and entirely unfair habit-cum-rule.

It all started with the car accident, which so politely held up the general flow of traffic on the main road and every possible surrounding road also. Considering I’d left late already as a result of the aforementioned intentions and plans, I realised as I sat there, staring into the ass of the car in front of mine, I was going to be so late that I shouldn’t have even bothered going in the first place. As it was, a good percentage of my day was spent ignoring the consistent ringing of my keitai, drumming my long nails impatiently on my steering wheel, reapplying my lipstick, glaring at the leery old man in the car next to mine (who obviously thought that I was some impressionable young woman with no breasts whatsoever to speak of), and moving at a speed of two centimetres every minute until the whole mess was finally cleaned up, the injured removed to hospitals and the dead driven to the morgue.

Needless to say, by the time I arrived at practice, the others were just packing up. Or rather, our bassist was packing up; almighty leader-sama was sitting nearby with a youngish onlooker and chatting idly, examining his fingernails at every pause in conversation. When I rushed through the door into the studio, my hair mussed wildly and my makeup running in trails of sweat down my angry and apologetic face, he looked up calmly and said, “Haido. How nice of you to finally arrive.”
I coloured. “Errm, leader-sama, there was bad traffic, and…”
“Never mind that. You’re here; you may as well meet our new guitarist. You-kun, this is Hyde, our vocalist. Hyde, this is You. He’s eighteen but the best guitarist you’ll ever hear.”
Even as a blush appeared on the young man’s face, I glowered at leader-sama. “Oh, really?” I said coldly.
He glared back. “Really.”
An extremely fake smile spread across my face then, and false cheerfulness invaded my voice as I spoke. “Well, You-san, welcome to Jelsarem’s Rod. Leader-sama, it’s wonderful that you’ve found someone so talented. I wish you the best of luck in finding an equally brilliant vocalist.”

For a moment, my words had the desired effect, leaving my former bandmates, including the newcomer, staring at me in shocked silence. Then, of course, that silence was traded for a yell from leader-sama, which led quickly to a screaming match between the three of us as the young guitarist stood there awkwardly, tapping his long fingers on his jean-clad knees and attempting to ignore us, as if it was possible, which it definitely wasn’t. Insults flew and swear words soared. A punch was thrown, tears sparked, and finally You jumped into the three-man huddle and yelled at us all to stop.

Thus, after a heartily angry round of “FUCK YOU”s and a near punch-up, Jelsarem’s Rod agreed to go its separate ways, leaving the other three without bands and me with an adorably attractive near-adult. Straightening my shoulders and holding my head high to defy the tears shed over a completely unnecessary comment about my musical skills, I snarled, “Sayonara,” and walked right out of their lives, completely confident in my ability to avoid all three people for the rest of my days, or at least for long enough that the anger and the wish to kill me for destroying their band had ceased an eternity and a half before.

Of course, things don’t always go the way we plan them; but that’s another story.

I headed over to Tetsu’s place later that afternoon and greeted him by planting a soft kiss on his mouth, laughing when he blushed and uttered words of welcome-and-please-come-in. With a smile, I fended him off, leaving him with the only words I’d planned to say: “I’m yours now, darling; Jelsarem’s Rod is no more.” Stroking my fingers whorishly down his heated cheek, I pressed my lips close to his and murmured, “Call me.”

He did, about three minutes later as I was just getting back into my car. He was, he said in a husky voice, watching anime and wouldn’t mind the company… if I was free, of course. Laughing to myself, I went straight back up there, easily noticing the way his tongue darted out subconsciously onto his lips when he saw me, the way that frustration and lust burned bright in his deep brown eyes, the way that pretty blush deepened as those eyes watched my mouth form words, the way his baggy pants suddenly seemed just that little bit firmer. My lips tweaked up into a grin as all this confirmed that he wasn’t inviting me up for anime after all and was rather hoping for another of my kisses.

So, I tortured him all afternoon and evening, just because I could, and didn’t lay a finger on him apart from an affectionate hug when I eventually left.

I can be so cruel, sometimes.

End